If you found this blog post while Googling "Infertility Jokes" in an attempt to tease someone going through infertilty, to make light of the situation, you might want to reassess your plan. We all deal with challenging situations differently, and it's entirely possible that the person you want to tell the joke to will find it hilarious and break up the stress of this awful situation. Or you're looking for yourself, because you find making fun of tough situations a good way to feel better. In which case, go right ahead.
But for those who know someone struggling with infertility, and you're not sure how their sense of humor rates on the subject yet, please proceed with caution. Often these jokes not only are NOT funny, they hurt. And not only do they hurt, they can make a "good day" turn bad pretty quickly.
One such incident happened yesterday. While chatting with my Mom on the phone, I mentioned that the 12-year old girl I tutor was being particularly challenging yesterday, and she replied, "And you're sure you want to try this hard for a kid?"
We weren't talking about infertility at the moment (though she knows all about our struggles and how I feel about it) and it was like a verbal slap in the face. I literally recoiled as I heard it.
It wasn't a big joke, it wasn't prepared ahead of time. It was just making light of my situation. And it's offensive on a lot of levels.
I know my Mom was just trying to make a joke, that she didn't mean any harm, but I felt it necessary to tell her that I didn't find it funny, and she shouldn't say things like that to me (or anyone else dealing with infertility) again. She got her feathers a bit ruffled that I had stopped the conversation to point all that out, both of us knowing she intended it as a joke. Clearly I'm just supposed to laugh and let it go because I know she didn't mean to hurt me.
But it hurts because it's just so wrong. If a cancer patient had a bad day not related to cancer (got yelled at by the boss, fender bender, something like that), would someone satirically say, "Are you sure you want to fight to live after all?" Absolutely not!
Why do people think things like this are okay to say to someone struggling with infertility?!
I think it's largely because infertility isn't recognized as serious.
I'm not sure where I stand on whether it is a "disease" - I don't feel like it is, though there are certainly people with diseases that cause infertility. I do know it is a "condition" - sometimes caused by other medical conditions, sometimes caused by diseases, sometimes genetic issues, vitamin deficiencies, and a myriad of other root causes, including no detectible cause at all. I do know that it affects your whole life, takes over your brain, tests your friendships, and challenges your emotional strength.
However, the general population seems to view infertility as simply not a concern. Just adopt! Or do that IVF thing. Oh, you're young, be patient, it'll happen! Stop trying and it'll happen - it's the stress that is keeping you from getting pregnant. Isn't the world overpopulated enough?
It hurts. It really does. Even on a good day, when infertility isn't bothering me and I'm confident it'll happen one day, statements like these can bring me to my knees.
Oh, and you know what else hurts? When you can't proceed with treatment yet (in our case, because my husband's schedule simply isn't flexible enough right now to allow time for the required blood tests and to schedule appointments around my cycle), and the nurse at the Reproductive Endocrinologist calls to see if you're going to get all the required testing in to be ready to go with your next cycle. And you tell her that you've decided to put treatment on hold for now, that you're trying vitamins until your husband's schedule gets a bit easier in about 5 months. And she says, "Ooookay, but you do know, you've got only about a 4% chance on your own each month."
Wow. Just... wow. So now you're telling me, if I don't give you over $2000, I basically don't have a snowball's chance in hell of conceiving on my own? You don't think I don't know that we're fighting an uphill battle already? And I also know that you're essentially blackmailing me with my future child into giving you money, which basically ensures that I will give that money (if it becomes necessary for that future child to exist) to some other clinic.
Today's a bad day for me, so please don't mind my rambling. I'm 9 DPO, and I shouldn't have, but I peed on a stick. I know it's too early to be sure, but it's another BFN and I can't help but feel like it's just inevitable. This is the 14th cycle that I've peed on a stick and had a BFN. I know others have fought much longer, but I honestly don't want to fight this fight forever. I'm not that strong. It's just not fair. And I just want my turn, damnit.
