Looking forward now, the doctor thinks I responded a bit slower than he'd like last time and my lining wasn't ideal, so he'd like to do just injectibles this month.
Now I've got mixed feelings about injectibles. I've got a long standing aversion to twins (or - I can't even bring myself to imagine - triplets). With injectibles, that's a very real possibility and even likelihood. If I get pregnant, I've got about a 20-30% chance of twins. Yow! However, injectibles also bring around a 20% chance of pregnancy when combined with IUI. And it means more control by the doctor on how many follicles and how big, and without risking the thickness of my uterine lining with the anti-estrogen properties of Femara like my hybrid cycles. Again on the flipside, though, it also means more monitoring appointments, which means driving the 2 hours to my doctor's office more frequently during stimulation.
I'm hopeful, I really am! Yesterday, I was thinking about what a great feeling I have for this cycle. I think this might be it for us!
Today, though, my regular nurse was not in, so she had me see another nurse. The other nurse is the same one that I saw the day I had my baseline appointment for my very first medicated cycle, after which I ended up sobbing in my car for a good hour before I could drive home.
This nurse is very nice and friendly, so it wasn't until today that I realized that she simply doesn't lift my spirits very much, and in fact exacerbates whatever worry I present.
Last time, I mentioned that I was excited to try meds in the hope that something would work, but scared about twins. And she had replied, "Oh yes, twins are a very real possibility! Especially at your age, you'd be looking at 20-30% chance of twins if the cycle works, and 5% chance of triplets. But don't worry, we haven't had quads in at least 5 years."
Because yes, turning my fear of twins into triplets and quads really made me feel better about that. I clearly know it's a risk, and not looking for you to deny that, but would it hurt to spin it? She could have made me feel better about it by saying something like, "Well, yes, there's a risk of twins, but most women don't end up with twins. In fact, over 70-80% end up with just one baby from this treatment." Same damned numbers, better spin.
Today, I mentioned that this was our first injectibles-only cycle. And she said, "Yes, and if this cycle doesn't work, the doctor will likely want to meet to discuss IVF as the next step."
Whoa, that came out of left field. I wasn't ready for that one. Trying to push it off, I said, "Well, we've got a 20% chance, so I'm hopeful! Though I do realize that means there's an 80% chance we'll have to try again..."
And she cuts me off and says, "Well, 20% would be good! We don't usually see people have that high of a chance, though. Most people have 10-15% chance with IUIs."
I don't get the feeling she was disagreeing with the doctor (who is the one who told me the percentage chance), but still... we don't know exactly what's preventing us from getting pregnant, so we don't know exactly what percentage chance we really have. It might be zero (or close). I just don't know. But way to make me feel excited about my chances, lady!
So I was a little upset. Not devastated, but sad and scared. I got in the car and did (as I frequently do) cry a bit on my drive home.
However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that might be what's best for us after all. For several reasons:
- I'm scared of twins - there's no way to really mitigate the risk of twins with IUI while still maximizing the chance of success. With IVF, we could do elective single embryo transfer, which would bring our chances of twins down to the same as an average couple - around 1-2%.
- I have a high antral follicle count consistently - I've never had them count fewer than 16 antral follicles, and today they counted 23. This indicates I would likely produce >10 follicles from an IVF cycle, which would mean I'd likely have several frozen embryos if the first fresh embryo transfer doesn't work. And with the clinic we're considering, frozen embryo transfers are included in the initial cost for the first year after the fresh cycle.
- This process is expensive and scary, and once/if we finally are successful, I can't imagine how difficult it would be to go through all of this again while we have a child. If we've got frozen embryos, a FET would be a lot cheaper, less stressful, and have a higher chance of success than resuming IUIs or another fresh IVF cycle.
- The cost isn't quite as bad as I thought. The clinic we'd want to use costs under $4k for a fresh cycle, plus $750 flat for monitoring. There's a military discount, though I'm not sure how much. And we have some of the medications already, so there would be a savings there. It's conceivable we could do this for under $7k, maybe even under $6k.
- I have a place to stay near the clinic. Family lives nearby who I could stay with indefinitely, and repeatedly, if needed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
So all that to say, I think this is going to be our last IUI cycle after all.
If it works, fabulous! Even if we end up with twins, I'll now consider myself lucky since we saved the cost of IVF, which would be our next step.
And if it doesn't work, I think we're going to take some time to just step back from this process and wait until October, when we'd do an IVF cycle if we're not pregnant yet. Because we're unexplained, it's entirely possible we'll get pregnant in the months we're waiting to cycle (though rather unlikely). And for the moment, stepping back from all of this sounds like a good plan, for many reasons, but especially my physical & emotional well being, our relationship as a couple, finances, etc.
I was once told when the idea of taking a break sounds like it would be a relief, it means it's time to take a break. I think after this cycle, if it doesn't work, I'll definitely be there, because right now taking a break sounds nearly as good as being pregnant.
No comments:
Post a Comment