The Next Step

I did it.... I made our IVF consultation appointment.

On May 14th at 7am, we will be on a phone call with our potential IVF clinic to discuss the process and (of course) the expense.

I never thought I'd be at this point.  I still really hope we can cancel that phone call if this IUI cycle works.

But I realized that I needed the appointment booked ahead of time because if this cycle doesn't work, it will help me emotionally to know what the next step is and be able to move on pretty quickly to a new plan.  And because I didn't cry today on the phone making the consultation because there's a hope I won't need it - if I waited until after this cycle, I probably wouldn't be able to get through the conversation without sobbing hysterically.

If this cycle doesn't work, we will probably stop treatment for the summer and just enjoy some "us time" before doing an IVF cycle in late September/early October.  We might possibly do one more IUI before then, but quite possibly not.  At the moment, that feels like the right decision.

We do still have a chance of getting pregnant in the meantime while waiting for IVF, which would be amazing (and that slight hope will hopefully keep me from being really depressed about it all).  Because the doctors can't find a reason why we can't get pregnant, it's possible our bodies might just figure it out after all this time in the 5 cycles we'd have on our own before pursing IVF.  That would be awesome!

My husband has also said that he will take my OPKs and HPTs and hide them in his office at work.  That way I'm not tempted to test during our break cycles.  If any cycle goes longer than 31 days, he'll bring home an HPT so I can test.  That's our deal.

Researching the clinic where we'd do IVF, I feel at peace with the decision.  It feels right.  I don't want to be here at this point, and I don't want to have to pay that much money or make these kinds of decisions, but it feels like a good solution to the problem we're faced with at the moment.  And if we get to September without being pregnant, that will be after 27 cycles of actively trying, with one unmedicated IUI, a medicated TI cycle, a hybrid (Femara/Follistim) IUI, and an injectibles (Follistim) IUI in the process.  It will be time for IVF, and there will be no denying that it has come to the point of necessary.

And after speaking with my sister-in-law and a friend who both got pregnant at this clinic, and hearing their glowing reviews, I feel like this clinic is a good fit for us.  Their focus on alternative care in coordination with IVF treatment - specifically meditation, yoga, massage, and acupuncture - seems like something that would help my anxiety considerably throughout the process.  It's also affordable, or at least as affordable as IVF gets.  My parents and brother still went, "Whoa... it's HOW expensive?!" when I told them, "And it looks like we can do IVF for under $7k!"  I guess the sticker shock has worn off a little bit after all this time.  At least we won't have to pay for a hotel, as we'll be traveling to my husband's hometown for treatment, as my brother and his fiancee are moving there so I can stay with them (I love my in-laws, but I'll be more comfortable with my brother for that length of time and during such a stressful process).

So... we have our plan.  I'm excited and nervous and scared and overwhelmed and sad and happy and anxious.

Let's hope we can cancel that phone consultation, though.  That would be the best news!