Impatiently Waiting

And the deed is done!  And by deed, I mean insemination.  Because sex hasn't worked in two years off birth control, so that "deed" is pretty much useless (well, except for fun, of course).

My husband drove up this morning for "his part".  And "my part" was an hour later.

The drive was a lot easier with my book on tape.  It also helped that it wasn't rush hour, so the stop-and-go wasn't nearly as stressful as when I need to be there by 9am for monitoring.  Plus it was nice to sleep in and get ready leisurely as I didn't have to leave until 9:30am!

I passed my husband leaving as I went in.  A quick kiss as he was headed out to his car on his way back to work.

It was hard not to get anxious as I waited in the waiting room.  I tried to stay relaxed, watching funny videos on my phone and trying to make myself laugh to loosen up.  But anxiety crept in anyway.  Every time the door opened, I jumped a little bit, thinking it was a nurse summoning me.

I also tried to stay relaxed as we prepared for the IUI, joking with the doctor and nurses about how much pollen there's been around here recently (seriously, it's like I need to shovel it off my car in the morning just to see out the windows). But my hands and toes got very cold and my face got flushed as my anxiety set in despite my best efforts.

The doctor (not my normal doctor, the other one in the practice was on duty today) tried one angle and apparently couldn't make it work, so he tried a different one.  Thankfully, it didn't hurt.  Once it entered the uterus, it was a slight pinch, but I'd say it was less painful than last time.  And I didn't feel anything once they inserted the semen.  Which of course worried me, as last time I definitely felt it after it was inserted - a warm and full feeling.  Did they miss?  That's silly, of course, but I've already proven I worry too much.

Overthinking everything isn't going to help my stress, though.  So I'll just try to go with the positive!

On the positive side, my husband had 19 million total motile sperm count, which is definitely good!  Of course, being a perfectionist, I'd love it to be higher, but I'll take it gladly.  Our unmedicated IUI had only 8 million, so this is a vast improvement.

The doctor pointed out that I've got a really good chance this cycle, so I'm trying to be hopeful, though the researcher in me knows that even with a great cycle, we still have a high chance of failure.

He said, "It looks like a really great cycle!"
I replied, "Hopefully!"  (Thinking, of course, that a "really great cycle" had to end with pregnancy to earn that title)
He said, "No, really.  Everything looks really good.  You've got 2-3 mature follicles, your lining is nice and thick, and your husband's numbers were good.  You've got a really good chance!  I'll be a little surprised if it doesn't work."

I wanted to roll my eyes, though it (of course) does make me a little excited to hear that from the doctor.  But I really won't be surprised if it doesn't work - I've seen plenty of women on my online support group who have every reason to be optimistic and it just doesn't work out.  Sometimes because there's an underlying reason they don't know yet (like egg quality) or for no reason at all (and it works on a later cycle).  So while I'm excited, I'm guarded in my optimism.  But really, this IUI would result in a due date on or immediately around my birthday, and I can't think of a better birthday present right now!

And as far as my lining being thick, despite my initial scan, I'm sure my doctor thinks I'm a hypochondriac for worrying about it.  Oh, well!

After the IUI, I met up with two lovely ladies who live near the doctor's office and unfortunately are also battling this monster (hi, ladies!)  It was really awesome to speak with people in person who "get it" and could talk about all this nonsense face-to-face.  The food was delicious (I had a fabulous chilled beet & ginger soup that I am going to try to replicate) and the company was delightful. I hope this is the start of a nice little local support group!  Though I would obviously prefer for the three of us to have a pregnancy support group... where we can become those people who meet up to complain about pregnancy symptoms and compare birth plans...  here's hoping!

So now the waiting starts.  I'm terrible at waiting!  I'm seriously impatient.  These two weeks will seem REALLY REALLY long.  Let's hope it has a happy ending!