Unrealistic Expectations

I'm currently watching Glee's newest episode, "Trio" (though I'll probably finish watching it before I finish this post) and it's reminding me the completely inaccurate portrayal of trying to get pregnant in television and movies (or at least completely unlike my experience, as I have no idea what it's like to be fertile).

Emma and Will start the episode with Emma pulling Will out of a class, saying "It's time!" and they then got caught in a janitor's closet getting busy.  Emma explained why they couldn't wait until they got home that evening to Principal Sylvester by saying there's a "narrow window of fertility".

TRUTH:  Sure, there's a narrow window, but not THAT narrow.  For a normal fertile couple, sex in the 5 days leading up to ovulation is ideal as sperm can live in the female fertility organs for up to 5 days.  It's certainly not "NOW NOW NOW!" as that scene makes it seem.  They could have waited until they got home, there's no excuse for behavior like that.

After an indeterminably amount of time that seems like a day or two, Emma takes a pregnancy test and gets a negative.

TRUTH:  You have to wait a minimum of 8 days after ovulation and often between 10-12 days.  You can take a pregnancy test at any point, but if you have any hope of a positive test, you have to wait at least that long.  Let's say you get a positive OPK on CD 12 - likely 12-36 hours later, you will ovulate.  You want sperm already waiting to meet the egg.  Then it takes 6-10 days for that egg to implant in the uterine wall.  From there, it will start producing hCG, which is the hormone a pregnancy test is testing.  So if you test too early, you'll get what's called a "false negative" - your body isn't producing enough hCG to turn a pregnancy test positive, not that you aren't pregnant.

And then Will suggests they go to a fertility doctor to rule out any problems.

TRUTH:  If a woman is not having a period for longer than 60 days, it suggests she may not be ovulating and seeing a "fertility doctor," or a reproductive endocrinologist, is definitely justified.  Otherwise, a woman over 35 years old is suggested to wait 6 months of trying before seeing a fertility doctor, and women under 35 years old are supposed to wait 1 year.  Each month, a fertile woman has approximately 20% chance of pregnancy (give or take depending on her level of fertility and her husband's sperm quality and quantity).  Which means even the most fertile people can be unlucky and take a handful of months before they get pregnant.  Because women over 35 can be battling egg quality and reserve issues, it is suggested they seek help sooner - there may still be no problems, and they might get pregnant on their own, but it's worth doing initial testing as time can be a serious obstacle at that point.

When the fertility doctor supposedly finds nothing wrong, Will then gets advice that they're "trying too hard" and should "try not trying," with Coach Beiste suggesting that worrying about it is what is causing them not to concieve, which Will then repeats to Emma.  This results in them painting the nursery and reading "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and obviously (since it's Glee) singing songs about having a baby and how awesome that will be.

TRUTH:  Suggesting that Emma's anxiety disorder is somehow causing her infertility will only cause her more stress - there's no medical evidence that stress causes infertility, but it's certain that infertility causes stress.  And seriously, trying for ONE MONTH and not getting pregnant is TOTALLY NORMAL!

Oh, and also:  TRUTH:  While it's great to be optimistic, painting a room for a nursery for a baby that has not been conceived yet can be a painful reminder if the process does take longer than you expect.  I optimistically painted the guest room that will someday be my nursery (come hell or high water) when we moved into this house, after we were already dealing with infertility, as sort of an affirmation that we WOULD bring home a baby someday, some way.  It still hurts some days to see it.  It's like a shrine to dreams that are crumbled and we're trying to glue back together.

Also, I'm taking the guess that Emma and Will will end up pregnant very soon (by "trying to not try" and "relaxing") which is seriously detrimental to people who struggle.  As Glee is a show that prides itself on encouraging minority groups (including down syndrome, homosexuality, transgender, different ethnicities, disabled, etc.), it hurts me that they would be so dismissive of infertility.  It's a subculture that is hidden and not talked about often because those who suffer often prefer to do so quietly and alone, but for a show like Glee to belittle the concerns of those of us who battle infertility, and to paint it so glibly as a simple obstacle, is really frustrating.  It was a missed opportunity to educate, and rather they reinforced hurtful stereotypes.

(And yup, there it is - she's pregnant by the end of the episode.... now isn't that a punch to the gut).

TRUTH:  There would have had to have been approximately 34-40 days minimum covered in the episode if all this happened.  When the episode started and they were having sex in a closet, that would have been around CD 14, give or take a few days (let's say as early as CD 12).  Then it would take a minimum of 10 days for her to take an accurate pregnancy test, and then another day or two to get her period (assuming she has a normal length luteal phase).  Then it would take another 12-16 days for her to ovulate again, and then another 10 days to take a positive pregnancy test, and another day for the doctor's confirmation, as Emma stated.  Somewhere in there, they would have had to have gone to a fertility doctor to get checked out.  If they were to actually do testing, it would have had to have been CD 3 of her second cycle, with an HSG done around CD 7.  So yeah, minimum 34 days or so covered in one episode, but it seems like it's all just a week or so maximum by all the other story lines that run in the episode.  So really, what probably happened is she was tracking her periods on an app or something, and thought "it's time!" because of a standard assumed date of ovulation that is not at all based on reality, and so they had sex, and then she tested like two days later and got a negative test and so they went to the an OB/GYN, who did who knows what to "check" their fertility (clearly nothing comprehensive), and then Emma took another test a few days later that was positive.  Boom, all that drama for a lucky pregnancy on a first cycle of trying.

"We're going to be a real family, just the three of us," says Will.  As if my husband and I aren't a real family because we haven't conceived in the 19 months we've been trying or the 2 years we've been off birth control.

I'd say I was going to go have a drink, but I'm not allowed to drink because I am currently pouring thousands of dollars into infertility treatment, and if not drinking ups my chances even a little, that's what I'm going to do.

This sucks.  A lot.  I hate television!  HEY GLEE, YOU SUCK!